The below was sent to god@gmail.com. I’m still awaiting a reply:
Hi God,
Hows things up there in Heaven? I hope you’re well and haven’t got any of that swine flu that’s been going around down here.
I’m wondering if you might be able to help me out by doing a few things if you have time. Not all of these are super important, but I’ve listed them in order of priority in case you can’t get to everything.
1. Please come down and straighten out who you are and what people should believe in. All of the Jews, Muslims, Christians, Hindus, Atheists, Agnostics etc etc have been bickering about this for quite a while. If you just come down, or at least send a messenger with unequivocal proof of your existence and an updated mandate of rules it would really help us out. Potentially it could create world peace, which would be nice.
2. If you could sort out this climate change thing it would be awesome. Lots of people are freaking out about it, and it’s causing a crap load of problems around the world, with floods, droughts, mudslides and the like. A consistent cycle of change would be fantastic.
3. Cure hunger and poverty. Martin Luther King Jnr told us you created all men equal. So how about equal opportunity (for the womenfolk too). If everyone could have enough to get by, have some shelter and be happy, we may evolve into something more complex and interesting to watch from up there.
4. Please don’t kill anymore children or babies. These guys are really just innocent little fellas. If there is an important reason they have to die, then please explain it to us. It would avoid a lot of confusion and grief.
5. Please send Justin Beiber to Hell. He’s really annoying.
That’s it for now. Like I said, if you could manage a couple of these it would be rad times a million. I’m not asking this for just me of course, I’m asking on behalf of the world. I’m pretty sure I’d have their support (at least on the first 4).
Anyway. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Don’t be a stranger, you’re welcome to stop by and say hello whenever you like.
Kind Regards
Tim Hawken
