Heaven must be one seriously boring place. No lust allowed, no greed (gambling), no gluttony (drugs/alcohol), no worshipping false idols. Essentially, to get there, you have to do nothing that will offend the Almightly Lord.
But how realistic is it that anyone will actually make it through an adult life without slipping up now and then?
Sex before marriage‚ you’re doomed. Sex with a condom even while married, doomed. Priests who molest children? No amount of praying will save you for that Father. Working on a Sunday because you need to feed your family, doomed. Eating pig, doomed. Eating non-halal anything, doomed. Believing in the wrong version of God, hot poker in your anus.
On that last point, how many different religions there are in the world? According to the most reliable source of all knowledge, The Google, there are over 70 different religions on the planet right now. Nearly every single one of these says that it is the one true faith, and people who don’t believe in that specific religion won’t get the chance to enter God’s big nightclub in the sky (which only plays harp and trumpet music).
So what are the odds that you’ve picked the right one? Well, if you’re playing the odds it’s best to go with the big ones. Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism. Unfortunately each of these have their various sub-branches, and once again, only the truly faithful with get the big tick when the Rapture comes.
It’s a prickly situation. The Devil is everywhere; in the television, in the rock and roll music and in the internet. So who’s to say he isn’t in the churches as well, the false ones that is. Simply put, if we’re talking probability: You are going to Hell. You may as well get used to the idea and you may as well understand the ins and outs of the place before you get there.
This is where Hellbound comes in. Take a read, and you’ll see, it’s not as bad as you think. Don’t be afraid, enjoy yourself while you’re alive. Because if you want to hang with the Angels upstairs, you’re shit out of luck, the VIP passes have all been taken.
